Big Ralph at Work
Feb 20th, 2008 by Jason
I’m sat at home, in the warm. Central heating is a beautiful thing, oh yes. I touch a button and almost instant warmth. Magic. No need to sit under piles of blankets while wearing three sets of clothes.
This is the first cold I have experienced with my new employer, and the commute would normally prevent me from attending if I was more than a little below the weather. However, that’s exactly what I did yesterday.
On Monday afternoon I came home early, as I was alternating hot and cold and feeling dizzy. What I really should have done was stayed home on Tuesday, but there is a lot of pressure and eyeballs on me right now and as I had several meetings, I went in anyway.
I should add, that at this point the only external manifestation of my feeling like shite was now the beginnings of a hacking cough, which I did my darndest to suppress during the various meetings and presentations.
It was mid afternoon when I finally got to see my packed lunch, and I got to see it again in a more granular perspective a little later.
At the point where my stomach began making it’s dissatisfaction known to me, and those close by, I was in an open plan office of, I guess, around 60 - 80 people and with toilets containing a single cubicle at either end of the floor.
I decided to opt for the further toilet because it has two urinals as well as a cubicle whereas the closer toilet is just a toilet.
As I walked through the office retching, as quietly as possible, I began to reminisce about an Aikido “road trip” to Poland, where following my grading I found myself in a similar situation.
At that time I attempted to walk out of the dojo with as much dignity as possible (very hard when you’re physically exhausted and everyone’s looking on thinking “here it comes!”) and while considering the potential of my gi top for containing and absorbing chunky liquid stuffs.
Alas, back at work, there would have been no benefit to yacking inside my thin and untucked shirt, so I swallowed back the yack and kept walking while silently praying for a vacant cubicle and planning alternatives.

Fortunately, the cubicle was free and I was able to allow my stomach the freedom to express it’s concerns, as well as my lunch.
On a tenuously related note, an email I received this morning was entitled:
We are about to test our fire alarm, there is no need to evacuate
Am I the only person who finds this incredibly funny?
Ah well, enough frivolity, like all good employees at home sick… I’d better get on with some work!